Monday, August 14th 2017

Weekend Update

  • Following Jared Kushner’s failure to disclose his finances before working in the White House, the Office of Government Ethics harshly fined Kushner a $200 late fee and a stern finger wag.

 

  • A poll showed that half of Republicans would back Trump if he proposed postponing the 2020 election to ensure only eligible Americans could vote. And by eligible Americans they mean white, land-owning males.

 

  • Democratic lawmakers have demanded Congress immediately return to pass a bill preventing Trump from striking North Korea. In the spirit of partisan cooperation, McConnell wrote the bill himself.

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  • Press secretary Sarah Huckabee said Trump was being sarcastic when thanking Putin. Because if there’s anything Trump is famous for, it’s his wit.

 

  • On Friday, white supremacists held an impromptu march across the UVA campus. When asked where they were heading, one man responded “1860.”

On Friday, white supremacists held an impromptu march across the UVA campus. When asked where they were heading, one man responded “On our way to vote the Jews off Ellis Island.”

 

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  • Republican National Committee Chairwoman Ronna Romney McDaniel declared there is no place for white supremacy in the party. To which everyone collectively replied:

 

 

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